Fathers

One of the things God has laid on my heart in recent years is the fatherless. With so many “broken” families there are more and more children out there who have little or no contact with their father. Also with our men’s ministry I have been thinking about fathers and sons, particularly having read John Eldridge’s book “Wild at Heart”, which is very American in its examples, so what does it mean in the UK.

When I was at the New Wine Children’s Leaders conference I picked up Mark Stibbe’s book “I am your Father”, which I have been reading whilst away this week. Although I was reading it to understand some of the issues of the fatherless, I found myself reflecting on how I had done and how I viewed my own father. I know there are areas where I could do better (none of us is perfect!), I was also aware of how my view of my own father has changed over time.

There is one table/chart which Mark calls a Father Wound Inventory where you can scale 12 things, each from Wound to Blessing (you have to buy the book to find out what they all are!). It was good as it made me think not just about one occasion, but lots, we so often only remember the one bad one. I was able to think about it both from my own father, and me being a father. I also realized that had I scored my father when I was younger it may have been different, as it is only more recently I have realized the things he has done for me, both practically, but also in making me the person I am.

It is at times like this I really miss him and I also realise the legacy he has left behind. If I can be half the father he was I know I will have done well.

Mark describes what a good dad does. These are the headings

• A good dad values fatherhood
• A good dad displays affection
• A good dad gets involved
• A good dad provides security
• A good dad sets an example
• A good dad gives affirmation
• A good dad shares wisdom
• A good dad establishes boundaries
• A good dad releases hope
• A good dad leaves a legacy

Looking at how good we are as fathers, is not about beating ourselves up, but it can help us focus on the things that are important, making them a priority and striving to do the right thing.

Although Sarah and Peter are grown up, being a father doesn’t stop. The fact that they are 2 great adults tells me I can’t have got too much wrong so far. I know Karen will try and take the credit, but I’ll just point her to the part in the book which highlights that it takes 2 good parents! I may get them to read Mark’s book and then honestly tell me what I do well and there I could improve.

Hope ?

I went to a funeral today of someone I had never met! Marie was the partner of Karen’s cousin. I just happen to be in Dundee and the funeral was in Arbroth a short train ride away. To cap it all the person I have been with all week also had a funeral to go to this morning!
With all that I felt that God was telling me to go. I am not sure that I made any different, or was really noticed, no great big conversations, no wise words, but I went. I trust God that he knows why.

The service was a humanist service to celebrate her life, which I found a little strange. It was nice to learn a bit about Marie and who she was, what she did etc., but with everyone in black and no hope of anything beyond, what was the purpose? I also found it strange that having picked a humanist service, that a poem about her talked about her singing with angels! The hardest part was listening to Alan (Karen’s cousin) speak his few words, which ended with the phrase “I love you Marie, wherever you are”. It is interesting that even when people “don’t believe” there is still something in them that yearns for something more.

One thing I will say to my family, is that I know that when I die you will morn and be sad, but I would love a funeral that was not in black, but bright colours. Please celebrate because I know I will be in the best place possible, with our heavenly father. To me it is not just a hope but firm belief.

What has God got planned for 2010?

I am sitting on my settee frustrated at not being able to do much and contemplating nexk surgery and what it might mean. Feeling the rollercoaster ride of 2009 is continuing. I then happened to read Hannah's, Kal's and Sarah's blogs which made me cry. They had focused on the good things that have happened. I then read through some of my old blog entires (I know there aren't that many) and realised how much good there had been in 2009. Hannah's blog also reminded me on the talk I gave at our carol service and God's plan, and focusing wholely on him.

So whatevery 2010 brings I know it is part of God's plan, my prayer at the moment is that amongst all my tiredness from the medication I am taking that I can find time to concentrate on him.

Pain in the neck!

No, not me, just everything. I have slipped a disc (T2 for the technical) which has give me a major pain in the neck!, well shoulder and arm actually. Having had a visit to out of hours doctor at 12:30am, thought it was muscle spasm (which it mainly was at that point) got pain killers etc.. Then had to phone again the following night at 2am, to be able to increase dosage. Saw my own GP on the Monday who had a med student, they thought it was a trapped nerve/slipped disc so referred me to a specialist (one time I am glad I have medical insurance through work). Had an MRI scan and saw him on the Thursday. This confirmed slipped disc. 80% normally right themselves with rest, so now on pain killers. muscle relaxants etc. So pain now not a problem, just very doppy! If that doesn't work then it will be an operation.
But everything is a pain in the neck so to speak. I have a numb right thumb, so using the computer is difficult. I had a DIY job on the go to get the downstairs toilet ready for christmas. (Big thanks to PJ and Mark for making it now usuable). I can't drive, in fact can't do much at all which is very frustrating.
I forced Val to still let me lead the carol service. This went brilliantly except for me falling off the stage - not good for the neck, it wasn't as bad as it sounds I just forgot that I was on the highest staging and it was a long way down 600mm, good job Karen was behind the screen and didn't see it. I made one change to the service, which was I did not hold baby Phoebe, both from not supposed to be lifing things and also in my state I didn't think it would be the most sensible thing to do. I had decided to use a real baby to bring home the impact of God with Us, and that a baby wants our full attention, and for some reason we want to give it, and that's how it should be with God.
My main problem now is Christmas day as I normally do the cooking. PJ says he will do it, but I know what I am like, so prayers that we won't fall out and we will find a balance between him doing it and me advising and helping with the little I can do.
I don't know how Karen is coping with not only having to look after me, but aslo do all the extra running around at Christmas I normally do. She seems to have everything under control, or is she just not letting on to me? Sarah and PJ are being great in helping out when they can, amongst their busy work and social lives.

Quiet and relaxing days

The last couple of days have been really great as I managed to fit in a couple of days annual leave. On Thursday I had a quiet day away which was really refeshing and Friday I spent with Karen. We popped to see mum who was really quite bright for once and then went wandering around Bath. There was a Christmas market which was really good.

I went on the quiet day because lots of things have been on my mind recently and not surprisingly I didn't get any real answers!! What I did get though was a great time with God. The person leading the day did a couple small talks which were really useful for focusing me on God. The first one include the following poem by Ann Lewin

Be Still
You do not have to look for anything
Just look.
You do not have to listen for
Specific sounds
Just listen
You do not have to accomplish anything
Just be.
And in the looking
And the listening
And the being.
Find
Me.

I then spent the next hour just basking in God's presence :)

I also love out God's sense of humour. Towards the end of the day I popped into the church over the road and on the way out saw a poster with a poem on called "Just talk to me". It is too long to put here but here is a link to it (http://www.leeabbey.org.uk/rapport/article.php?id=1)

My problem now is, when can I fit in another couple of days like this!

Snow Please!!

I have finished wiring the children's carol service. I know it is a long way off but it needs to be done now so all the groups can get thier bits prepared. But having had some rain over the last few days I have been thinking what I would really like is some snow!

What's Up!

I realised I haven't blogged for a month. Not surprising since for the first part I was on holiday in Mauritius (absolutely brilliant). Since being back I have been busy at work, had our Men's day at church and been clearing my parents house.

So life continues to be a roller coaster. The highs of a holiday, the full on work and lows of having to clear the house. I have apologised to Sarah and Peter already for the amount of stuff they would have to go through. My dad like me kept everything! I really need to go in my loft and get rid of things. Having said that it was good to remember many things I remember from childhood.

Mum is still a cause for concern. Although "healthy" she is not totally with it and it is very difficult to have a conversation.

I feel quiet flat at the moment. Summer is over and I have not much planned for the autumn. I am leading our carol service, so I am hoping that planning that will give me boost.